I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
