I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
