We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
