how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
