I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
