I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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