she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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