the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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