This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He felt like a one man threesome
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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