Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
