Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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