I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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