i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
