how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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