Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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