i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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