I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
