U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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