yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
