We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
