What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Still dying that you shit outside
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i think i just lost a toe
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
