Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
