... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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