So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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