yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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