EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
