the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
