"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
