If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
