You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
