I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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