I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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