yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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