And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
