No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
