so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i believe in u and ur pee
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize