Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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