Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
