i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
