Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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