You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
