awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
