bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
