I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
