You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
