Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
