I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
