The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
