question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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