Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
