I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
