Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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