i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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