we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
