i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
