I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
