i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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