Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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