Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
