TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wear drunk well.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize