I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
