you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bring money and cleavage
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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