at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
