I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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