After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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