i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
