then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize