my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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