Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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