Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
