I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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