What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
