btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
