I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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