It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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