apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
