just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
