I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
