I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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