I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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