I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
