I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Everclear isn't food dammit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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