I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
