wrigley field is MILF paradise
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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