this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
