Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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