She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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