We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
