That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
