all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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