grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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