in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
