hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
